


No he's not my boyfriend

by jarofactonbell



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Gen, M/M, hyunjin is a disaster gay, mentioned minsung - Freeform, minsung aren't there but they are how this whole shenanigan happened, really bad coffee shop AU, seungmin ends up being fond of him anyway, seungmin is so embarrassed somebody rescue him please
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-16
Updated: 2018-11-16
Packaged: 2019-08-24 09:55:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16637726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jarofactonbell/pseuds/jarofactonbell
Summary: How to go on a Definitely-Not-A-Date, by Hwang Hyunjin:1. Stare helplessly at them in your music elective class2. Bribe their best friend to set up a time where you and your crush can meet up and you can charm them into a separate date without external intervention3. Have no knowledge that help is very unreliable and walk into a situation where your crush is about to murder someone because they've been 'stood up' by their best friend4. You don't know what's happening, but you're now rescuing this entire situation5. Somehow manage to charm your crush into another date, not because you're cool and suave, but because you tried catching peanuts with your glasses5. End up blurting out your courting schemes6. Survive?





	No he's not my boyfriend

**Author's Note:**

> i was reading a coffee shop AU and i had to make it happen
> 
> based on that prompt where one person had been stood up for a while on their date and some complete stranger slides in with a 'hey, sorry i'm late' and pretends to be the person's date - except i put a spin on it uwu

If Jisung doesn't show his weasel face in front of Seungmin in the next five minutes, he's leaving.

The waiter assigned to tailing him at the coffee shop has masked an approximate zero number of attempt in actively reminding him that he's been stood up. It is something rather obvious and depressing and people around him can see that - they're just politely not mentioning it out loud. 

What's even sadder is that he's not on a date and Jisung is not his boyfriend. Thank God for Lee Minho taking that one for the team. Nobody can quite handle that particular fresh mess of overexcited man child on an hourly basis, let alone over regular intervals of intimacy. Seungmin feels tired thinking about Jisung. He still doesn't know how Minho does it, tolerate and be all romantic with Jisung.

The waiter passes by his table again. He slams his hand onto his phone screen. 1.31 pm. Okay, time's up, Jisung is a late little shit who needs to own a watch that's adjusted to half an hour in advance to everyone else. Kim Seungmin is leaving, Jisung and his failing marks in English literature be damned -

“Hey,” the waiter taps the menu onto the low coffee table, halting his aggressive putting on jacket ordeal, “is there anything we can do for you?”

Seungmin glances at the name tag. Woojin. Brunette, soft eyes, probably is just doing his best. He shouldn't make a spectacle out of what is a carbon copy scenario of someone being stood up, except that Jisung is just his _very late_ and terrible best friend who hasn't turned up to their carefully scheduled study session.

“Oh no, I was just,” _leaving, “_ putting my jacket on. It's getting chilly. Sorry for causing all that ruckus.”

Seriously. Kim Seungmin. What the actual _fuck._

“I'll have the AC lowered so that the temperature will be more comfortable for you,” Woojin flashes a patented Customer Service ‘We’ll try and do our best to cater for you’™ smile and turns away, taking brisk strides to the humidifier in the room.

Seungmin kinda really wants to bash his head on this table and die of head trauma rather than deal with this mammoth size hole of embarrassment he dug himself in.

With the temperature noticeably warmer, the need to continue the white lie persists. He shrugs off his pea coat and wishes that divine intervention, deus ex machina, can happen to him right the heck _now._ Dump Jisung on the front steps of the cafe. Erase Seungmin's face from the employees’ memories. Delete the last half an hour of him waiting for his friend that is being mistaken for him being stood up. Float him into the sun. Punt him out of existence. A sniper's bullet veer off from course unusually. Anything, _please,_ or he will die from sheer embarrassment alone.

But then Jisung will have the last laugh in standing Seungmin up. He's swearing Jisung to his grave if that brat doesn't even bother texting him why his little weasel face isn't where they planned to meet up.

The doors to the cafe open now and then to welcome new clients drawn in by the promise of caffeine and sugar and _Jisung is still dead to the world._ That's it. He's done with waiting. It's been 45 minutes and he embarrassed himself and it's been good but he needs to go. Now. ASAP. Pronto.

Someone touches the back of his chair and he turns, a half ass apology already forming to ward away the person who is most likely one of the waiter who have been slipping him consolation cups of black tea for the 45 minutes he's stewing there in murderous rage over his friend going MIA on him and this study session.

“Hey _yeobo_. Sorry I'm late,” Person Who Is Not A Waiter Or Jisung smiles, all Colgate brand ambassador white teeth and sparkling eyes. “I had to help my roommate out with something.”

Seungmin, because his brain is half reptilian and half betrayal, blurts out a clearly thoughtless - “No, that's alright, you're here now.”

In a move that is more appropriate in a spy thriller, the stranger leans over Seungmin, seemingly to kiss him hello and sorry for being late with him hovering near Seungmin's ears, murmuring a soft _you're playing along nicely._

Seungmin hisses back from the corner of his tightly shut lips. “I didn't think about what I said. It was my default polite mode.”

The stranger laughs  - it is pretty pleasant, as far as laughs go - and pulls out the seat across from him, sitting down and crossing his legs. He leans forward, one palm under his chin, eyes behind gold framed glasses calculating Seungmin and the disaster zone around him. It must've been a spectacle. Waiters hovering around him like a couple of vaguely concerned drones. Him swearing someone to the depths of hell and glaring at the doors, as if humans have done him a huge disservice by breathing and he is reminded perpetually of that fact.

Seungmin doesn't need another person who is going on the Seungmin Is A Weirdo list, _thank you very much._ He mirrors the stance the stranger adopts and matches the stare evenly, eyes narrowed.

“I'm not going to bother with being polite, so why are you here at this table?” He throws down the metaphorical gauntlet, not pissed, per se, but confused. So confused. They have never met. It is a little strange, borderline creepy.

“The waiters were gossiping about how you're being stood up and I feel bad for you, so I'm here as to play the very not punctual boyfriend,” the stranger beams. “My name's Hwang Hyunjin.”

“Uh,” Seungmin very intelligently contributes, “thanks?”

It only goes very south when Woojin circles back to his table, not even bothered with dimming the bright grin on his face.

“Hey,” he smiles specifically at Hwang Hyunjin, “you made it! He was waiting for a long time.”

Oh no no no that is exactly why he should have left before this is going very wrong -

“That's - this -” _it's not how it looks_ “- he's not my boyfriend!”

Hey deus ex machina? Happen to him right the fuck now or he'll pull off dying of shock. He's going to make it _happen._

Hyunjin lifts his eyebrows, nodding. Woojin politely doesn't comment on how suggestive his sentence is, opting to simply ask them their orders.

Seungmin gives up autonomy and slumps down on the table surface, mumbling that Hyunjin will handle their orders. His brain is off vacationing, but he distinctly remembers _I'll get whatever he's having._

After Woojin’s blatant bad wink at the back of his head, he attempts to brain himself on the table, only for his forehead to hit a neck pillow, loud symbols of Australia and kangaroos screaming at him in mockery.

“Why won't you let me die,” he mourns. “I could've knocked myself out.”

“I think you need something harder than this table to make that happen,” Hyunjin reasons, “plus, I don't want a dead body for my date. Indulge your ‘not boyfriend’ for fifteen minutes, won't ya?”

He hears those damnable air quotes in that lilt of voice and he snaps his head up, eyes attempting to murder someone who looks like he has a solid 5 cm over Seungmin standing upright.

_"Shut up. Now it looks like we're dating!”_

Hyunjin only hums, pulling out his phone and snapping a photo of Seungmin's miserable moping face on the table, scowl still stuck between his eyebrows and nose scrunch.

“I mean,” the other boy shrugs, “you're not exactly making it seem otherwise?”

“Why are you going along with it then?”

“I get half priced food. Hold still, this is going on my Snapchat.”

 

Somehow, the not-date proceeds.

Somehow, Jisung manages to miraculously not turn up over the course of that hour Seungmin reluctantly shares with Hyunjin.

They eat food - some fried rice with an exploding egg that Hyunjin insists is _so good you'll never want to eat anything ever again,_ matcha drinks that Seungmin orders for them when Hyunjin was about to order some diabetes-inducing chocolate milkshake, and _bungeoppang._

There is a lot of Snapchatting from Hyunjin and a lot of giving up his dignity from Seungmin. They don't have mutual friends. What he doesn't know doesn't hurt him.

Somehow, Hyunjin looks really good with a man bun when the _air is getting too stuffy, I'm tying it all up._ Seungmin actively tries not to think about it, but he really can't and he wonders if Hyunjin will cut off that stupid mullet of his soon because then nobody will suffer premature cardiac arrests when he grins at them with _that_ hair and _that_ face.

Somehow, they further cement the fake news that they are dating by fighting over who gets the check over the counter.

Hyunjin won that, and now Seungmin has to either force money or food into his hands, or take him out for a strictly unromantic outing where he feed the tall child and call it even between the two of them. No debts, no strings, no connection. Plain food, then indefinite separation, never to see each other again.

Back at their table, because they’re not in a hurry to leave, Seungmin squints at Hyunjin throwing peanuts in the air and catching them with his glasses and nostrils instead of his mouth and hears his traitorous lizard brain whispers, all Kermit and cloaked in shadows.

_“Take him out for a not-date. Obviously.”_

He's decided.

“You idiot,” he scolds, dusting the flakes off Hyunjin's perfectly raised cheekbones, fingers digging under his glasses, “put them in your mouth with your hands like a normal person.”

“It's more fun catching them with my mouth!” He insists.

Seungmin fixes him with a flat stare, too tired to argue against that flawed logic.

“So I owe you,” he continues.

“You're not allowed to buy me food for my silence for today,” Hyunjin cuts in.

Seungmin punches him in the arm. “What then, will you be satisfied with?”

“Tell me why you were stood up today.” Hyunjin hums.

“No,” he doesn’t even need to think about it, “what my failures in life are have no concern over you.”

“Well I guess I’ll just have to hold this not-date over your head for the next couple of years I see you on campus,” Hyunjin shrugs, hands in his pockets.

He looks the picture of innocence, but his tone is the exact opposite of purity and good intentions.

“It wasn’t a date that I was going to,” he grits through shut tight teeth, “and Jisung is not my boyfriend.”

Hyunjin tips back his head with lifted brows, entirely convinced. He just dug another hole for himself and crawled in it. Even to his ears, that sounds like he is in denial about potential boyfriendship between him and Jisung, which is, in all honesty and the holes he had dug himself, _no thank you._ Just. No. Nope. Never going to happen. Zilch, nada, non.

“You only talk in full syntax when you’re being testy about something, which I get, okay, I’m not going to pry into who you’re dating,” Hyunjin puts up his palms, “or not dating. Whatever float your boat.”

First of all, it’s Jisung.

Second of all -

“How’d you know I go super formal when I’m lying? How do you know all this stuff about me, like,” he frowns, “you know I eat _bungeoppang_ from the tail first, you know I like eggs - _have you been watching me or something?”_

A peanut hits Hyunjin’s glasses and ricochets off into the nether space of the cafe. The boy doesn’t make eye contact with Seungmin.

“Yes and no.”

“Try again,” Seungmin frowns, the lines etched onto his forehead. “You have twenty seconds to come clean. I’m timing from now.”

He starts the silent timer when Hyunjin looks up, startled, and starts coughing up the horrible, horrible truth.

“Mister Park’s music class - we share a couple of lessons. You sit in the front row by yourself and sometimes with Jisung and you make even minor scales sound good because on the piano they sound like the shittiest collection of notes anyone can put together and I was kinda really out of it but super into getting to know you so I bribed Jisung with illegal cut keys to a recording studio for a time to see you separately?”

Hyunjin tacks on a squeaky _please forgive me?_ and amps up the Puppy Dog eyes his way, as if he’s going to go all apeshit homicidal on him.

“Try to breathe,” Seungmin rolls his eyes, “you’re pathetic and lame, and your bad boy facade puts me off more than it sells your charms. Stop that.”

Hyunjin visibly deflates. “But people love it when I do it.”

“I’m not ‘people’, Hwang Hyunjin, and I hate it when my dates are semi-assholes,” he scoffs, standing up with a rattle of his chair. “Come on, let’s walk back.”

Hyunjin follows him, before backpedalling. “Wait why?”

Seungmin hides a smile in the shrugging on of his pea coat.

“Obviously we’re going to talk about how amazing I am on that walk to the bus stop, and you will give me your number so next time you can turn up on time, as my actual _date,_ without Jisung’s unreliable interference.”

“Er...wait, oh?” Hyunjin takes an embarrassing long time to process all his words, and beams in this awfully bright and megawatt-ish way that’s probably typical of Hwang Hyunjin. _“Oh?”_

“When you get there, let me know,” he drawls and gets an armful of long limbs and puppyish enthusiasm all over his hair and shoulders. “Okay, okay, I get it, I’m hot stuff, would you stop with the tackling?!”

 

At the bus stop, Seungmin almost breaks Hyunjin.

“Hwang, bend down a lil’.”

Hyunjin stoops down, blinking confusedly. “Why.”

Seungmin surges forward, a smirk barely visible on his lips. His fingers lightly twine into the stupid stupid mullet on the back of Hyunjin’s neck, tilting his head downward -

The bus pulls up alongside the curb, the brakes screeching, drowning out Hyunjin’s shriek.

_“Kim Seungmin!”_

_(_ _Their foreheads bump, Hyunjin’s skin cool in the autumn air._

 _“I’ll see you later,” Seungmin grins, “ **y**_ ** _eobo_.** _”)_

 

He pulls out his phone, texting out Jisung’s obituary.

_Oi Han, you’re not dying today, but you have explanations to get to. Start with why you didn’t turn up to your study session and tell me why Hwang Hyunjin happened._

Jisung’s reply is instantaneous. _I see you’re enjoying your date._

_What date?_

It seems that Jisung does end up having the last laugh after all. There are various Snaps of him scowling at the camera and working through the full spectrum and beyond of annoyance, courtesy of Hyunjin excessive documentation of their not-date, which serves as irrefutable proof of their actual ‘date’.

_When I see you in a day’s time, you’re dead, Han._

Jisung only sends him back a string of kaomojis.  ＼(▽￣＼(￣▽￣)／￣▽)／ﾔｯﾀｧｰ!   v(｡･ω･｡)ｨｪｨ♪

**Author's Note:**

> SUPER RUSHED AND NOT EDITED PROPERLY BUT I JUST GOTTA PROVIDE SOME BREAD FOR THE SEUNGJIN SHIPPERS PLEASE SEND ME AUS I LOVE WRITING ABOUT THEM 
> 
> fun facts: bungeoppang are those fish-shaped pastries and seungmin eats them from the tail first - his favourite food is also eggs uwu
> 
> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/jarofactonbell), [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/jenny_benny) and consider [the fact that I am poor and here is a kofi link](https://ko-fi.com/jarofactonbell)  
> 


End file.
